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me and linguistic imperialism
Dec. 23rd, 2018 03:21 pm(archiving something i posted to tumblr that's really important to me)
thinking a lot about linguistics. i used to have this kinda unthoughtful joke where whenever i fucked up what i was about to say, which is still often, i’d say, “i’m sorry, english is only my first language.” but then i’m realizing that it’s…not really. it’s the language i speak in and think in, the language that has most often been used to move me to tears, and the language that i grew up with–except, it’s not the only language i grew up with.
thinking a lot about linguistics. i used to have this kinda unthoughtful joke where whenever i fucked up what i was about to say, which is still often, i’d say, “i’m sorry, english is only my first language.” but then i’m realizing that it’s…not really. it’s the language i speak in and think in, the language that has most often been used to move me to tears, and the language that i grew up with–except, it’s not the only language i grew up with.
i also grew up with twi. my parents are from ghana, and twi is the main language of the asante people and the fante people, groups my parents are a part of. there are different dialects of it–a good comparison is to think of twi as english, where my father speaks midwestern “standard american” english, and my mother sounds like she’s from new england, maybe boston. except it’s africa, and ghana, and the asante and fante tribe, and twi, not english.
but the point is.
the point is that right now, i only understand twi. i don’t speak it, but if it’s spoken to me, about 90% of the time, i get it. i used to speak it, when i was small. it’s technically the first language i ever knew. i was also taught english, because i was born and have always lived in america, and it’s the most common language here, and the language the american government functions in, and thus, the educational system. but back then, when i was small, before a lot of what i can remember, they were equal. twi was just as much my first language as english ever was.
then i went to school. you know, the american public school system, though the same would’ve happened if i went to american private school, ‘cept i’d probably be a bit more an asshole.
i lost the ability to speak most of it then. i still understood it, but couldn’t speak besides some basic phrases, your basic hi and goodbye and how are you. if my dad or mom speak to me in it, i understand fluently–it doesn’t need translating in my head–but i respond in english. i like to think myself of loving ghana and being asante and fante, and yet, by my actions, i am more american than i am anything else. my favorite bands are in english, my favorite books are not only in english but are set in america, and my favorite movies are in english, and everything i make, as a creator, is made in that language.
of course, we can go back and examine things a bit more, because the fact of the matter is that english isn’t my primary language just because of the american public school system, though that was the biggest personal factor. because ghana was colonized along with most of africa in the european land grab back in the 19th century, and we’re the first subsaharan nation to get independence, which is a real point of pride there, in that place that i’ve been told is mine and yet have never been to. and english has been there since the 19th century, and the english set up english-language schools, and when my father was in elementary he was beaten for speaking twi, and for not speaking english, because twi was primitive and wrong and not godly. and so my parents learned english. didn’t forget their language, but grew up around english, grew up with english as a constant presence and are thus fluent in it to the point where it’s basically just as native as twi to them, with a few caveats.
i can’t speak twi, though. and i think a lot not being able to speak twi and think about the fact that when i argue i argue in english, with the same language that was forced upon my parents and their nation because of colonialism. i think about how, when i was young, i would make fun of their ghanaian accents with my sister. i think a lot about how, now, whenever i try to push back against the way things are, i use the same language as the people who made things this way.
of course, i don’t think the english language itself is evil. that’d be pretty nonsensical, since i spend basically all of my free time in love with it and how it can be used to be soft and cruel and convey the depths of my emotions. i couldn’t hate the language i write my fic and stories in, except for those times where i can’t really find the right turn of phrase. and i wouldn’t say that english in itself is colonization, because i don’t think it is. languages spread and grow and change and always will, regardless of how it’s used.
but anything can be used as a tool of imperialism. english is the language i am fluent in, and that doesn’t make english imperialism, but it makes my knowing it because of imperialism. i think it’s such an unknowingly sinister way to shape someone’s mind the way you want it to be. we say a lot that those with power and those who have had it before them can make you do things and make you say things, but can never make you think things. but i think in english.
again, i’m gonna go back to listening to songs in english and panicking about finals in english and loving my friends in english. but i try a lot to learn twi now, and to speak it more, and try to remember the tongue. i don’t know. maybe it’s my little bit of rebellion, or my way of trying to figure out what’s home.
#for folks on mobile there's a cut i know sometimes the app doesn't show it #anyway as for my rambly essay-ish thing: #of course that's not all of it #you can force a language on someone and they can very much turn it around and make it theirs #whether that be aave or pidgin or creole english #and even standardized english and what that's generally meant to mean can be useful #mlk used it in his ''i have a dream speech'' and when you're trying to communicate across groups with differing dialects it's helpful #this was more talking about my life and how i've been personally affected by linguistic imperialism #i hope it doesn't look like i'm drawing a good/bad dichotomy here #ella rambles
a handful of time (or water, or sand.)
Dec. 22nd, 2018 10:40 pmI finished finals Thursday, and I spend the first bit of today cleaning my room, which means now, I don't have much to do. Well, that's not true--I still have an ecology project for next semester, and I should probably write and practice my direct and crosses for mock trial next semester and do my hair, but all of those things will take me four days in total, max, still leaving me with a whole ass week of free time.
To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do with it. I want to write: I've got a few wips that need my attention--*cough*SCOTTISH FAE QUEEN FIC*cough*INCREDIBLY LATE RAVEN/BELLAMY FICS*cough*, and I'd hoped I could start writing an original story too, but I also want to read original fic, because I haven't had the time to sit down and finish a book in months, and I've got quite a few on my nightstand that I've been meaning to get to for a while.
But also! Fandom! I hope I'm not the only one with 50 pages in their Marked For Later page in ao3. There are so many things in there I'm excited to get to, fics I've been saving the whole year to read.
I also know the time that it takes for me to make a decision is going to eat into the time I have to do things. The shitty thing about working all year is that all the time you spend not working feels like time wasted; I tried to read fic yesterday, one that I've been meaning to for so long, and I had to stop because I couldn't focus on it--just kept thinking about all the other things that I could be doing, which is an awful way to live a life.
Anyway, I'm tired. I did clean my room, though, so I'm only mostly useless.
To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do with it. I want to write: I've got a few wips that need my attention--*cough*SCOTTISH FAE QUEEN FIC*cough*INCREDIBLY LATE RAVEN/BELLAMY FICS*cough*, and I'd hoped I could start writing an original story too, but I also want to read original fic, because I haven't had the time to sit down and finish a book in months, and I've got quite a few on my nightstand that I've been meaning to get to for a while.
But also! Fandom! I hope I'm not the only one with 50 pages in their Marked For Later page in ao3. There are so many things in there I'm excited to get to, fics I've been saving the whole year to read.
I also know the time that it takes for me to make a decision is going to eat into the time I have to do things. The shitty thing about working all year is that all the time you spend not working feels like time wasted; I tried to read fic yesterday, one that I've been meaning to for so long, and I had to stop because I couldn't focus on it--just kept thinking about all the other things that I could be doing, which is an awful way to live a life.
Anyway, I'm tired. I did clean my room, though, so I'm only mostly useless.
(no subject)
Dec. 18th, 2018 09:45 pmGod, I just want finals to be over and to get my report card already so I can stop stressing. I'm gonna sleep for a week and then study ecology and write a direct and cross for my witness/opposing witness, write three essays, write a few fics, read an actual book, and sleep even more.
I also have therapy tomorrow so. It's gonna be interesting, at least.
I also have therapy tomorrow so. It's gonna be interesting, at least.
Memories, yeah!
Dec. 12th, 2018 07:06 pmMEMORIES YEAH
i think the thing that i miss the most about tumblr is the ability to reblog and tag stuff, but another thing that wasn't great about tumblr was that it started to make me think that reblogging stuff was a good alternative to actually making content.
memories are like, the best halfway point. i still get to save things i love but also my blog actually contains my own content. that's great.
i think the thing that i miss the most about tumblr is the ability to reblog and tag stuff, but another thing that wasn't great about tumblr was that it started to make me think that reblogging stuff was a good alternative to actually making content.
memories are like, the best halfway point. i still get to save things i love but also my blog actually contains my own content. that's great.
(no subject)
Dec. 9th, 2018 11:45 amI love that the first day of finals coincides with the first day Tumblr's ban goes into effect. It's...pretty tiring, but eh. Whatever.
I've still got homework, so I really gotta get offline for now. It's gonna be an incredibly stressful week.
I've still got homework, so I really gotta get offline for now. It's gonna be an incredibly stressful week.
I've realized I've been posting a lot less to Dreamwidth than I would to Tumblr because I've been treating Dreamwidth as...more formal, somehow? Which is weird, because I moved over here because I was pretty sure it'd be more freeing. So I'm gonna stop doing that, lol. Let's have some fun :)
hey, everyone :)
Dec. 4th, 2018 05:59 pmHi everyone! I go by Ella, and with all the stuff going on on Tumblr right now, I thought I should move here.
I made this account a while ago, and I plan on using it more, and eventually migrating at some point.
Happy to meet y'all!
I made this account a while ago, and I plan on using it more, and eventually migrating at some point.
Happy to meet y'all!
